After my abusive relationship ended, I found out that there were a lot of people on the margins of my abuser’s life (acquaintances, former friends, neighbours etc.) who had long thought something was ‘off’ about my abuser. Words like ‘arrogant’, ‘boastful’, ‘sleazy’, ‘untruthful’ ‘money-grabbing’ and ‘manipulative’ came back from people who knew him, or at least interacted with him regularly enough to have formed such negative opinions. Understandably, those people dismissed

#NoSafeHaven’s mission is to encourage small, day-to-day actions which go towards stamping out domestic abuse in our society. The key is that these steps are both safe and meaningful. Safety is the priority, because standing up to an abuser be dangerous and safety must come first. The good news is that standing up doesn’t have to mean saying anything at all. Positive action is as simple as not laughing when someone makes a disparaging joke about their partner. It’s turning aw

The absolute priority at #NoSafeHaven is safety. For many victims, reporting their abuser or indeed taking any obvious action could mean putting themselves and their children at risk of serious harm. It can feel impossible to stay and equally impossible to leave. Telling your abuser that you plan to leave them could escalate their abuse a thousand-fold. Leaving is the most dangerous time. So, what are victims supposed to do? There are no definitive answers. What worked for on

False allegations are real. If you have been the target of false allegations of domestic abuse then you are also a victim of abuse. False allegations of abuse of any kind (domestic, sexual) destroy livelihoods, reputations and, tragically, end innocent lives. False allegations are also far rarer than you make them out to be. Victims of domestic abuse are rarely happy to admit they ‘fell for an abuser’. Admitting what happened to them is often deeply embarrassing, shameful a

#NoSafeHaven grew out of my own harrowing experience of domestic abuse. Like many victim-survivors, I had to find a way of turning my pain into purpose, of channelling my survivor's rage into something that just might help others. We need an army to achieve our common goal: ending conditions that allow domestic abuse to thrive in our homes, families and communities. As I embark on my own journey of healing loudly, I want you to know that you are not alone and nor am I. We sta

Challenging stereotypes and our own negative perceptions can be tough, but it’s the only way to move towards a future free from domestic abuse. Ever heard of “perfect” and “problematic” victimhood? A perfect victim is someone who is considered totally innocent, who could never be seen to have done anything to contribute towards or be deserving in any way of abuse and whose character doesn’t detract from the unimpeachable nature of their victimhood. A young child is a perfect

The immediate aftermath of my abusive relationship led to many new beginnings for me, two of which were the unmitigated horror of post-separation abuse, and the start of my healing journey. It was the time when the penny finally dropped and I started piecing together everything I’d experienced over the preceding months and began seeing it for what it truly was: a purposeful and sustained campaign of narcissistic abuse. Thanks, in part, to resources shared by other victim-surv