The red ball

This ball is red. It is made of plastic. It is bouncy.

Each of these facts about the ball remain true independent of the other facts about the ball. The fact the ball is red does not mean it cannot be made of plastic or that it is not bouncy.

What about victims of abuse? Are we able to put aside our subjective opinions about how worthy someone is of victimhood, support and protection rather than offering these based on facts about them which are independent from the fact they are a victim of abuse?

Consider the following three victims of domestic abuse and what emotions their stories stir up in you.

1.     This woman is a sex worker. She is a drug addict. She is a victim of domestic abuse.

2.    This woman has remained in her abusive marriage for decades. The abuse impacted her now adult children. She regularly lies to protect the image of her abuser and maintain their well-to-do public image and comfortable lifestyle. She is a victim of domestic abuse.

3.    This woman is a doctor. She sometimes physically fights back against her abuser. She has not reported her abuser to the police even though she advises her patients to do so when she suspects they are victims of abuse. She is a victim of domestic abuse.

Which of these three women was deserving of their victimhood in your mind? Which was the most vulnerable? Which should have known better? You may say that you require a little more context about the various backgrounds and circumstances of these women to answer those questions. But you don’t. Once you’ve accepted that they are victims of domestic abuse, all the other facts fall away.

If any of those three scenarios were subject to a fact-finding hearing in a court of law, the women’s individual circumstances would indeed be explored and may aggravate or mitigate against their abuser's culpability.

However, when we start deciding how worthy a victim is of belief and support out in the real world what we are really doing is telling abusers that it’s OK for them to abuse women as long as they choose a sufficiently vulnerable target, or as long as they choose someone who is educated enough to know better, or strong enough to fight back, or who also benefits from the façade they have helped to create.

Let’s leave the fact-finding missions to the courts (which, of course, are by no means infallible) and instead focus on what unites all these victims: an abuser chose to abuse them.