Family ties

Do family members of abusers have a moral obligation to warn or tip-off new partners when they know their loved one has been abusive in a previous relationship?

Do they have any responsibility to help if they become aware of the current relationship becoming abusive?

Family members are uniquely placed because they can observe relationships from close by and they hold a unique position of trust with the abuser to exercise some influence if they do choose to confront them.

In practice, though, family members rarely, if ever, step in, and the reasons are multi-fold.

It may be incredibly difficult to accept that a loved one is capable of such abhorrent behaviour and denial is a powerful tool to protect one’s own sense of self and the longstanding image we may have of someone close to us.

Even victims of domestic abuse often struggle to accept the truth that we are being abused, at first, that the person we thought cared for us is not simply going through a hard time and that things will improve. It’s therefore highly likely that this is the first thing an abuser’s mother/daughter/sister will consider when wondering if you’re really being abused by their loved one.

For those who can’t live in denial anymore, they may feel very torn between portraying someone they love as abusive and their desire to help you. They may prefer to turn a blind eye and keep out of it altogether.

Of course, there is one last possibility. That they know the extent of the abuse and are actively complicit in concealing the abuse to protect the image of their family publicly or, even worse, see you as deserving of it for not toeing the line.

How much responsibility do you think family members have to confront abuse dynamics?